Elgarmummy.com

Author: Sarah

  • Finding True Peers

    Finding True Peers

    It is difficult getting El to tell me about who he mixes with in class. He does not mention anything about his kindergarten, including who his friends are, who he plays with, and what he learns, but he would go on for hours talking about Alamosaurus, Cyolophosaurs, Titanosaurus and Wannanosaurus among others. He had just told me that he needed to know everything about dinosaurs, so that when he could time travel to the Cretaceous or other periods, he could recognise and identify the dinosaurs.

    dinosaurs and friends

    During the last Parent-Teacher Meeting, I asked his teachers who his friends were, because he did not tell me anything. They said he played with everyone, especially at the playground, but did not have anyone in particular he was close to. Initially, he had given me a few names, but lately, he did not mention anybody. He even said he could not remember. Despite this, he said he likes his current school very much, because there are many friends. There are about 20 of them in a class.

    This was very different from his nursery days, at another preschool, where there were only 7 children, which he said there were too few friends. At that place, he would rattle off every name he had seen labelled on the cubby holes for their shoes. He knew the older children and the younger ones, as they were together in the same classes during school holidays. However, I had noticed that while he knew who they were, they did not play together. He may follow them around, keeping a distance, but he was pretty much on his own. He did not how to integrate with them.

    When his ex-classmates were raving about Ben 10, he showed no interest. It was only a few months ago, when he showed interest in Ben 10 and had memorised all the characters and their special powers. By then, there was nobody to talk to about Ben 10. I had to do a crash course by reading up about Ben Tennyson, Gwen Tennyson, Kevin 11, Four Arms, Cannonbolt and Humungousaur, just so that he had somebody to discuss them with.

    At a birthday party, I observed how he interacted with his ex-classmates. They were sliding down a two-storey slide fearlessly, while he was frozen with fear, standing at the sides, calling out to them in a feeble voice, telling them to be careful. While they were waiting to sing a birthday song, a few boys told him a seat was reserved for their friend, and he was to go to another seat. He did not seem to be too perturbed, and simply went to at the other side of the birthday boy.

    He can play with Gar, but at only two years old, and still not very verbal yet, Gar does not make a very good playmate for his elder brother. El does not spend much time with Gar, usually preferring to read his books, watch videos on iPad or play with his toys.

    El has also realised that he should keep his interests to himself and his family, because one time after his piano lesson, he ran to me and started talking about dinosaurs. I asked him to tell his teacher that, but he replied that she did not know much about dinosaurs. I was surprised that he had come to this realisation at the age of four that people did not know as much as he did about certain topics, and that he should not talk about those topics when they were around. However, I do not want him to have to underachieve in order to conform.

    I should start looking for interest groups so that he may mix with older children who share similar interests, and perhaps then he might be able to find true peers. Currently his art class is grouped according to age, and they usually do their own work, without much opportunities for interaction.

    I feel bad that he does not have peers with similar interests and mental age, but I am glad that he does not dwell on what he does not have. I never felt I truly belonged to any cliques when I was younger, but I had always managed to find a small group of friends eventually. I hope he will be able to form meaningful friendships in the future, but in the meantime, I will just have to read up on whatever he is interested at the moment, and go deep into the topics, so that he has somebody to talk to. Thank goodness for the internet and the library.

    How do you help your child find true peers?

    This post is part of a blog hop hosted by Hoagies’ Gifted, a rich resource for me as I try to figure out how to engage El and meet his needs.
    gifted friendship

  • The Day El Came Home On His Own

    The Day El Came Home On His Own

    I was reading my book in the room, when I heard El shouting, “open the door”. Thank goodness my bedroom door was open, if not I may not have heard him. When I looked out of the peephole, he was alone and I saw that he had climbed the gate to try to reach the doorbell. He was quite upset when I opened the door.

    El and Gar had gone down earlier with their grandparents to play at our little estate. They were playing at the playground, and then the fitness corner. Apparently, Gar hit and pushed El, he lost his temper, and he ran away from them. His grandparents could not chase him in time.

    Rare occasion when they are not fighting with each other
    Rare occasion when they are not fighting with each other

    I first thought that he was smart enough to come home on his own. He knew how to get home. My place is guarded and there are only about 600 households, mainly families. Many (older) children go down to play by themselves. I am not worried about safety, and there are occasions when I leave my door unlocked. However, it was only hours later, (my reaction time is pretty slow), then I realised the potential dangers.

    The four-and-a-half-year-old had climbed up the gate, which had swung out, to try to press the doorbell. Right beside it would be a parapet, where there are no grills, and any slips would be disastrous. Thank goodness the doorbell was near the door, unlike the old doorbell that is near the parapet. I told him very sternly that he should not do that. His father demonstrated to him how climbing the gate was dangerous, which he had actually taught him not too long ago how to climb it to press the doorbell. Duh!

    This is Singapore, and most parents are extremely concerned about their children’s safety. They keep an eye on them all the time. My parents were like that. I had never gone out with my friends until I was 12, and even then, it was only to a nearby coffee shop, just a few hundred metres away.

    When I go to the playground with my children, I watch the younger one most of the time, because I know he will attempt some stunts and may just decide to jump off the from the spiral ladder.

    There was a wave of fear not too long ago, when people posted on Facebook, how some strangers tried to snatch their children away. Hence, we generally keep a very close eye on our children. Even though our country has a very low crime rate, the police warn ‘low crime doesn’t mean no crime’. Even when I take El to the washroom and leave him outside the cubicles, I will constantly ask him questions to check that he is still there and has not run away. After all, we do hear of cases where criminals do unthinkable things to children in the washroom.

    People I spoke to were divided on this issue. Friends were mainly worried about strangers snatching him away. Older relatives were totally shocked. However, I had one friend who is currently residing in Germany who said that if he knew his way, and it is a safe place, there should be no problem.

    I feel we should teach children survival skills.

    I feel we should let children gain independence.

    I feel we should not molly-coddle them.

    I feel we should teach them to protect themselves from danger.

    My friend brought up a very good point, which should be the main point of discussion. The main thing here is how El should handle the situation, when his younger brother makes him angry. It is important to tell him that it is okay to be angry, but he should not take rash actions.

    He was scolded by his grandparents for running away.

    The bottom line is I should be glad that this overly cautious boy knows how to come home on his own. He should handle his emotions better, and not run off without telling anybody, because his current reckless nature has caused him to run into a railing which caused him to get six stitches on his forehead two days later.

  • Reading To Gar At Night

    Reading To Gar At Night

    I had been the lazy mum when it came to Gar, so starting from July, I decided to make a more conscious effort to read to him. Now that he is able to say a few more words, I feel that he is more interested in books now.

    We borrow a lot of books from the nearby library, and he enjoys reading them. Sometimes he chooses the books himself.

    reading at the library

    I had read Pipi Gou (Dog) to Gar recently. I love these books as the dog is 2 years old too, and is facing similar issues, such as toilet training, riding a bike, fear of strangers, eating and so on. They were useful to El when he was younger. I managed to buy them at $1 per book at the bus interchange from a vendor from China. Unfortunately, I have not seen him in years.

    Other new books that I had bought are bilingual books with cartoon characters, such as Plane and Monster Inc. I read the Mandarin version to him, which he thoroughly enjoyed.

    A book I had just read to him today was a non-fiction book on Sabre-Tooth Tigers, although the title was Sabre-Tooth Cat. He enjoyed it very much and asked me to read it twice. He even pointed to his tiger costume in the cupboard.

    gar tiger

    He enjoys reading Eric Carle. I had met a book vendor when I was pregnant with El, and he introduced many good children’s books to me.

    reading with gar

    Sometimes, after reading the books, I will play with foam letters. Gar is able to recognise most of the letters, and he knows the phonic sounds too as I use zoophonics to teach him. The foam letters are more tactile, so I do word blend with him. He will try to match the sounds to the zoophonics alphabet chart when I pass him the letters. I have been trying to spell his name, and hope he can recognise his own name.

    Now that he is slightly more verbal, I am getting him to repeat the words after me as I read the book to him. He is doing a good job so far.

    I must also thank my helper who reads to him frequently.

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